Post by Gia Parker on Oct 25, 2010 20:59:40 GMT -5
September 2nd
I don’t even know where to start. I’m so confused. Everyone else is sleeping, and I feel like complete shit. Hello hangover. I guess I’m used to the feeling by now, but it still sucks, and it’s even worse on top of the whole James deal. What the hell was that, anyway? Everything was going fine…getting drunk with Roxanne and Jay, I mean. I hadn’t seen James all night, not since dinner. I guess he had more important things to take care of at the party than seeing me. I guess that’s understandable, given the way I treated him last night…
But that isn’t how it happened. I was just standing there, minding my own business and flirting with Jay, when James plowed his way through and kissed me out of nowhere. He acted like it was completely justified, like I had given him reason to kiss me, or something. I don’t know. But anyway, it got really awkward, and I don’t blame Roxanne and Jay for leaving. I feel really bad though, because James went straight to bed after, looking sort of depressed. I mean, I know I shouldn’t have reacted so dramatically, but then again, James took it the wrong way. I wasn’t mad at him, or anything like it. I was just so surprised.
I think that’s because me and James are just weird like that. We’ve been so close for so long…people who don’t know us end up thinking we’re together, and even people at Hogwarts say we should date. But still, me and James had never really talked about it with each other, and when we did, we treated it as a joke. I thought we were both on the same page, but we’re not. And I don’t even know what page I’m on, because I have absolutely no idea how I feel about him. Obviously I’ll always love him, but I’m not sure if that’s the same kind of love, like the romantic kind. I would do anything for him, but I don’t know if I have those kind of feelings for him. Of course I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never been able to reach that conclusion.
Maybe I’m just pissed because I’ve always wondered if me and James would work out like that. I knew something would happen eventually, like a kiss or some sort of special moment, and I would just know. I had never kissed him before, and I thought the first time might bring on new feelings. But that was a waste, because James had already kissed me, and at the time we were both extremely drunk and stupid. So I felt nothing. And now, if he ever kisses me again (though I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to, considering how I reacted the first time) it’ll be awkward, because we’re both going to feel like it’s forced, like we owe it to ourselves and each other to try it one more time, just in case. And I don’t WANT it to feel forced. I wanted it to just be real, new, exciting…but that’s the opposite of how I feel right now. I just thought if I ever fell for James, it would be easy and natural. And now I feel like that’s ruined, and I don’t know what to do.
Regardless of anything, I really feel like I should talk to James. There’s no way to figure this out of I just ignore him, so I’m gonna have to talk to him as soon as I can. That’s another thing…how does JAMES feel about this? They say that drunken kisses don’t mean anything…but they don’t just happen for no reason. Something made James want to kiss me. And isn’t there some famous saying, a drunken mind speaks a sober heart? Whatever, something like that. Was it possible that James actually had feelings for me, and they came out while he was drunk and fearless? I honestly have no idea, and that scares me.
The one thing I’ve always loved about my relationship with James is that it was so easy and effortless. It doesn’t feel that way anymore. Something’s changed, and I really need to fix it before things get worse.
-Gia
I don’t even know where to start. I’m so confused. Everyone else is sleeping, and I feel like complete shit. Hello hangover. I guess I’m used to the feeling by now, but it still sucks, and it’s even worse on top of the whole James deal. What the hell was that, anyway? Everything was going fine…getting drunk with Roxanne and Jay, I mean. I hadn’t seen James all night, not since dinner. I guess he had more important things to take care of at the party than seeing me. I guess that’s understandable, given the way I treated him last night…
But that isn’t how it happened. I was just standing there, minding my own business and flirting with Jay, when James plowed his way through and kissed me out of nowhere. He acted like it was completely justified, like I had given him reason to kiss me, or something. I don’t know. But anyway, it got really awkward, and I don’t blame Roxanne and Jay for leaving. I feel really bad though, because James went straight to bed after, looking sort of depressed. I mean, I know I shouldn’t have reacted so dramatically, but then again, James took it the wrong way. I wasn’t mad at him, or anything like it. I was just so surprised.
I think that’s because me and James are just weird like that. We’ve been so close for so long…people who don’t know us end up thinking we’re together, and even people at Hogwarts say we should date. But still, me and James had never really talked about it with each other, and when we did, we treated it as a joke. I thought we were both on the same page, but we’re not. And I don’t even know what page I’m on, because I have absolutely no idea how I feel about him. Obviously I’ll always love him, but I’m not sure if that’s the same kind of love, like the romantic kind. I would do anything for him, but I don’t know if I have those kind of feelings for him. Of course I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never been able to reach that conclusion.
Maybe I’m just pissed because I’ve always wondered if me and James would work out like that. I knew something would happen eventually, like a kiss or some sort of special moment, and I would just know. I had never kissed him before, and I thought the first time might bring on new feelings. But that was a waste, because James had already kissed me, and at the time we were both extremely drunk and stupid. So I felt nothing. And now, if he ever kisses me again (though I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to, considering how I reacted the first time) it’ll be awkward, because we’re both going to feel like it’s forced, like we owe it to ourselves and each other to try it one more time, just in case. And I don’t WANT it to feel forced. I wanted it to just be real, new, exciting…but that’s the opposite of how I feel right now. I just thought if I ever fell for James, it would be easy and natural. And now I feel like that’s ruined, and I don’t know what to do.
Regardless of anything, I really feel like I should talk to James. There’s no way to figure this out of I just ignore him, so I’m gonna have to talk to him as soon as I can. That’s another thing…how does JAMES feel about this? They say that drunken kisses don’t mean anything…but they don’t just happen for no reason. Something made James want to kiss me. And isn’t there some famous saying, a drunken mind speaks a sober heart? Whatever, something like that. Was it possible that James actually had feelings for me, and they came out while he was drunk and fearless? I honestly have no idea, and that scares me.
The one thing I’ve always loved about my relationship with James is that it was so easy and effortless. It doesn’t feel that way anymore. Something’s changed, and I really need to fix it before things get worse.
-Gia