[ we can be h e r o e s ] hero&&thad;;

[Hero Lysander]

Hero smiled faintly. Sure, Thad probably hadn’t come across the same problems as he had, but it didn’t matter; he would feel a lot more comfortable knowing that. He always tried his best to succeed on his spells on the first try when in front of Thad, and hated it when he failed when not in front of him, let alone with him watching. But knowing that even Thad figured it to be a difficult charm made him think that it was okay to do a few mistakes. Most people would say that Hero pushed himself too hard, and the truth was, he did -- but there was no way he’d say that aloud. No, he would merely claim he was just trying to do his best. Even if his best constituted such…specific goals. He finally nodded to Thad’s question though. ”Suppose it isn’t,” he agreed.

Thad often impressed Hero, and this was no different -- except possibly he was even more impressed than he had been before. Nonverbal spells were always something he had wanted to do ever since he witnessed his father doing it when he was little, and then the goal was renewed in his first year at Hogwarts, when he noticed a teacher doing it. He had almost always wanted to learn how to do it, and just watching Thad do it entranced him. He nodded to Thad. ”Thank you so much!” he said quickly and rather happily, grinning widely. ”Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”

Hero raised an eyebrow. ”A ram?” he asked, blinking. ”I…wouldn’t have expected that either.” He gave a light chuckle, rubbing his head sheepishly. ”Jeez, now I’m really curious as to mine.” He grinned lightly at Thad, pulling out a spare piece of parchment and beginning to take notes on the reading about the Fidelius Charm that was in his book. He couldn’t stop thinking though, about what they’d do in the room. Oh, the range of things that could happen in the room…his imagination had no boundaries.

Hero looked at Thad. ”Do you…mind if I ask you a personal question?” he asked quietly, nibbling on his lip. ”I just…it’s been killing me for a while, and I want to know the answer. Please don’t be offended or get angry.”

[Thad Fleetwood]

It was true that the patronus charm was a difficult one. Attempting to embody emotion—especially one as complex as happiness—into an actual charm wasn’t what he would call easy. He thought he understood why it was that Hero was having such difficulties with it, as he had struggled with the charm as well. But Thad hadn’t had someone there to help him when he attempted to master the charm. He liked being there for Hero, helping and watching him mature and grow.

Non-verbal spells were tricky as well, something that Thad had only mastered last year. He had practiced endlessly in the Hufflepuff common room, attempting to levitate books in front of him from the floor to the table in front of him. It was a matter of visualization and the comfort level with the spell you were attempting. It would take longer for Hero to master non-verbal spells than for him to master the patronus, but the boy’s enthusiasm stopped Thad from saying anything. It was hard for him to say no to the younger boy, especially with the wide grin on his face. “It’s fine. I’m happy to.” He said, a small amused grin playing onto his lips.

He seemed surprised by Thad’s patronus, which was sort of expected. It was sort of a personal thing, to admit one’s patronus. It was the inner most representation of his soul—talk about personal. “Apparently it’s associated with drive and protection.” He said with a shrug. He supposed it sort of made sense, and he wasn’t about to argue with his soul. He honestly couldn’t take a guess at Hero’s patronus, but he figured it would be something associated with intelligence, since that was what he associated with the boy more than anything. “You’ll find out soon enough.” He said, attempting to reassure him, then falling silent as the boy started to take notes.

He in turn looked to his own books, allowing a few moments of silence between them. The sudden request for a question made Thad raise his head and a brow, looking at him questioningly. “I can’t say I won’t be offended if I don’t know what the question is.” He said bluntly, looking a bit concerned. “But I’ll answer it within the best realm of my knowledge.” He could feel his headache starting up again, which only meant one thing.

He’s probably wondering what the hell is wrong with you. I’ve been wondering the same myself. After all, what ulterior motive does some crazy mudblood seventh year have to be hanging around a sweet innocent little thing like this? Do tell, Thaddeus. The voice asked, obviously loving the sudden anxiety that Hero’s question had brought out in Thad’s mind.

[Hero Lysander]

Hero enjoyed having a seventh year friend to help him with spells, to teach him more than what his classes were teaching. Sure, many of the spells were complex and way out of his year, but he didn’t care even in the slightest -- even if he didn’t completely get it for a while, the fun of having someone there to help him along the way helped. A lot. It calmed his perfectionism down quite significantly, because he knew that the other was there to encourage him along -- while he did feel a little bit more under pressure the first time he learned a new spell from Thad, after that he was okay. And sometimes, Hero had his posture wrong, so Thad had to fix it, and…yeah, it was just fun to learn new spells with a friend rather than by yourself.

Hero knew that it would take a while to master non-verbal spells, and he was sure that it would take a while to do. But he didn’t care -- he was willing to take as long as it needed in order to master it. Just the whole concept of it -- being able to use magic without using words to help channel it -- astounded him. He hadn’t been able to do it before, mainly because he didn’t know how to work on it. But…he was certain that, with Thad’s help, he could learn how to do it and, by the end of this year or, more realistically, the next, he would have mastered it. ”At least you’re okay with it,” he said, still grinning widely. ”I mean…if you hadn’t wanted to, that would have been all right.” He nodded, trying to calm down the grin and failing utterly. He was too damn excited.

The fourth year Ravenclaw paused, thinking over the idea of Thad having a ram as his patronus, then nodded. ”I can see those traits,” he said. ”You can be very ambitious and protective when you want to be.” Hero chuckled lightly, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. ”Isn’t your patronus a…” He paused, trying to think of the exact wording from his book, ”…a representation of your soul emanating with…well, happiness, I think?” He tilted his head. ”So your patronus mirrors your soul, and…” Realization dawned on Hero’s face. ”Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize how…personal the patronus was. I’m sure I seem like a douche now.”

The bluntness of his response made Hero a bit more nervous to ask the question -- he didn’t want to insult Thad, but…this was the first step in the right direction, right? How to phrase it so he would get the least offended, though, was the question. ”I…know I’ve never asked you this, and it’s not that you seem like it or anything, it’s just me and my damn curiosity…” he said, beginning to ramble. He wasn’t looking at Thad, unable to look him in the face. He cleared his throat and cut straight to the point. ”Do you like guys?” Despite the preparation, it was still quiet -- he was scared of how Thad was going to respond. He…didn’t want to lose another friend.

[Thad Fleetwood]

Thad nodded, as though there had been no other option in his mind when the boy asked his first question regarding non-verbal spells. “Of course it’s all right.” Thad responded, giving a small smile. He hadn’t even thought to have said no to him. Rather, he was relatively excited that Hero was attempting something that was far beyond his educational years. It was something that Thad had always appreciated when it came to most Ravenclaws, and especially when it came to Hero. What made it better was how excited he seemed to be. It made it even better for Thad—an eager student that he could challenge with complex spells and the rest. He wondered for a moment why he had never considered becoming a professor, then remembered that not all students were as enthusiastic as Hero Lysander.

He watched the boy contemplate Thad’s patronus, and felt a little embarrassed. It was as though he himself was being examined. He tried his best to look calm, nodding a bit at each statement that Hero made. When the realization of how personal a patronus could be, Thad tried his best to look apologetic. Perhaps he should have said something earlier, but he tried to look like it was no big deal. “Don’t worry about it. I was the one to bring it up anyway.” He said, hoping that the boy didn’t feel too bad about examining it too closely. It was his nature, and Thad knew better than to try and stop that.

Thad was dreading the question that seemed to be looming over them. Thad felt as though a dementor had descended upon them—waves of dread rolled down his spine, and under the table, his hands clenched into fists, gripping the fabric of his pants. He did his best to keep a straight face, watching as Hero’s eyes flickered away from Thad’s face, making Thad even more nervous. He could hear the voice laughing, obviously amused with it all, as if he knew what the terrible question was going to be.

But when he asked it, Thad couldn’t help but laughing. He barely had control of himself—he was shaking as he tried to keep his laughter quiet. After all, they were in a library. He couldn’t quite focus on an answer for a moment, instead focusing his eyes on the table in front of him and biting his lip to keep his smile at bay. After all, Hero had asked in all seriousness; Thad supposed he must have not told him. He never thought it was that important to mention, but now seemed as though it was a good time.

He took a breath, then met the boy’s eyes, a small curious grin playing on his feet. “I’m sorry. It was just the way you asked it.” He replied. It had been so damn adorable. “To answer your question, yes. Not that it matters all that much.” He said, trying to play it off as though it was no big deal. It really wasn’t—after all, he doubted that Hero felt the same way. He wondered what had brought about the question, and simply dismissed it as curiosity. The question could have been a hell of a lot worse, so Thad was somewhat grateful.

[Hero Lysander]

Hero was thrilled. He was planning, already, about how to learn how to do the thing that he had wanted to do before he even had a wand. ”Thank you so much!” he repeated, grinning. Thad might never get why Hero was so in love with the concept -- he didn’t even entirely know why. He tried to stay away from anything his father did (which was why he was avoiding arithmancy as much as possible), but…this was something he still idolized about his father, despite the fact that he grew to hate him and everything he stood for. He couldn’t help it.

He pulled his wand out and began studying it, still feeling bad for talking about it so…heartlessly. He was pretty much just talking about Thad’s soul, and he felt horrible for it. He bit his lip and set his wand down next to the textbook. When Thad began to talk again, he looked up (not looking him in the eye, though) and remained silent until he finished. ”I’m still sorry for looking at it so…soullessly,” he replied. ”It’s quite horrible of me, no?” He shook his head. ”I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings or embarrassed you or something. If I can make up for it in anyway, just tell me.” He gave Thad a faint smile, as if trying to tell him that it was okay to ask him for anything.

The burst of laughter made Hero jump -- he wasn’t expecting a response like that. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment and he looked away again, clearing his throat. Hero didn’t think the comment was that funny, and unless there was some sort of inside joke that Hero didn’t exactly comprehend…He bit his lip, watching Thad just laugh. If Hero hadn’t been so worried about the reasoning behind the laugh, he would have appreciated it -- he always thought that Thad had the most amazing laugh, and this time was no different. Well, except for the context of the laugh.

”I…didn’t realize I said it in a funny way,” Hero said, blinking. He scratched his cheek with his index finger, nibbling on the inside of his mouth. And when he finally answered the question, his stomach flipped. He was? Hero had just asked randomly, because he just couldn’t help it -- he was a naturally curious person, and that paired with the fact that he didn’t even know what gender his friend preferred, the same friend that he had a huge crush on. He paused for a moment before replying. ”I just wanted to know, because I do too.” This time, though, he looked Thad in the eyes, awaiting his reaction.

[Thad Fleetwood]

Thad waved his hand, as though to dismiss the apology. He didn’t want to feel as though he owed him anything, especially over something so trivial as asking about his patronus. He had been the one to bring it up to begin with, so it wasn’t something he took too personally. “Well if we work on your patronus, I’ll be able to see what yours will be when you perform the charm successfully.” Thad replied, giving a small smile. “So we’re even. No need to worry about it. The only thing you have to do for me is be able to produce a patronus.” He was sure that Hero would be able to do it—after all, he was quite good at spell-work, even when it was far past his supposed year level.

He felt a bit guilty for laughing so much at Hero’s question. It had just been so sudden, and he assumed that Hero, and most other people, knew. He didn’t exactly hide it, but it wasn’t like he had ever dated another boy here at Hogwarts, and not like most people were interested in his sexuality either. Besides, the way that Hero had looked when he asked had just been so damn cute, he had to admit to himself.

Once he controlled himself, he smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, I suppose I’m just not used to being asked that question too often.” He said, leaning closer, and resting his head on his hand. It was true—to be honest, he had never been asked so blatantly about his sexuality before. He sighed, glancing back to the boy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything. It was just…” he honestly wanted to say cute, but knew better; “Funny.” The situation maybe wasn’t the best to be laughing in, but Thad wasn’t the type to hide his emotions.

When Hero stated that he felt the same way, Thad blinked, looking relatively surprised. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it, though in the back of his mind, a bunch of happy thoughts exploded. He shoved them back there, knowing he had to control his reaction. He smiled gently, shrugging a bit. “Really? Another thing we have in common then, I suppose.” He responded, giving a small nod. Just because Hero had admitted this too him didn’t mean anything—it didn’t change the fact that he was still a fourth year and Thad was a seventh year.

[Hero Lysander]

Hero looked Thad in the eyes again and nodded quietly. It was a good point; Hero was going to be practicing the patronus in front of him, and Thad might even have to show his own patronus in order to help Hero out. So Hero would probably eventually see Thad’s patronus and, even if he hadn’t, he himself would show his. So it would end up being even, like Thad said. He let his smile widen for a moment. ”You have such faith in me, that I’ll succeed with such complicated spells,” he said. ”Am I really that good?” The latter half was said in a much more quiet tone than the former, as if he was unsure of the fact himself.

Hero rubbed his head sheepishly, smiling faintly at Thad. He nodded as he apologized. ”It’s…okay. I was just a little…confused,” he replied, shrugging. ”But I’m not anymore.” He gave a light grin, putting the quill back down on the parchment. Now that he knew why Thad had laughed at the comment, he was better, more relaxed. And quite thrilled that Thad did like guys, like Hero did. He had a faint sense of optimism from it, a vague idea that maybe, just maybe, he could tell Thad and he’d be okay with it; he wouldn’t go out with him, but they could still be friends. It was preposterous to even think that maybe, just maybe, Thad actually liked Hero, nor would actually agree to be with him in that sense.

He laughed, though, looking at Thad’s surprised expression. ”You didn’t guess that I was, either, I’m guessing,” he said with a light grin. He leaned forward slightly, happiness quiet evident on his face. ”Guess that makes two of us, eh?” He leaned back once more, tapping his quill on the parchment lightly. He wasn’t too surprised that Thad didn’t know that he was gay -- he wasn’t too open about it, and not even his mother knew about it, so. Then again, he didn’t really want to let her into his life; she would just tear that down along with her own. Contributing comments like “You were so much like your father at his age…” and “Why didn’t you get into Gryffindor? You’re just you’re your father.” He wasn’t at all like his father, Hero was certain; his mother held some idealized vision of Hero where he was a bold, brave, and not mentally ill person that, out of some snafu, ended up in Ravenclaw, rather than Gryffindor, where he belongs. Hero didn’t want to be a Gryffindor, though -- he loved being in Ravenclaw, and, quite honestly, he didn’t really like Gryffindor. At all.

Hero paused though, taking his mind off of his father and back onto Thad and how much they were similar. ”I’ve never been kissed,” he said quietly. ”I’m sure that’s not the case with you.” His eyes fell down to the book, but he couldn’t focus on it anymore. No, his undivided attention, despite appearances, was on Thad.

[Thad Fleetwood]

To be honest, Thad didn’t mind all that much sharing what his patronus was, but Hero had seemed embarrassed for bring it up, so he had acted along, not wanting to embarrass the boy further. After all, Thad himself didn’t find his patronus embarrassing—it wasn’t as though its form had any sort of negative connotation, such as a rat or a snake might. In fact, he was quite proud of his patronus, though he had been a bit surprised when he had first conjured it. Thad saw the younger boy’s smile widen a bit, and he nodded in response to his question. “Of course you are. You’re quite talented, especially when it comes to picking up new spells very quickly.” The boy had simply picked up the summoning charm only a few minutes ago. Wasn’t that enough proof of his talent for him?

Thad supposed it was a bit unfair of him to simply laugh like that at first. But then again, Thad was not one to simply hide the way he felt—he could be quite blunt about those sorts of things, and it had been, at first, rather amusing to him. He looked apologetic still, but did not press the matter any further. He had felt bad for confusing Hero, but was not going to apologize for acting the way he did. He simply did not do that. Besides, it was clear that Hero was interested because he felt the same way. Thad understood the fact that it could be quite isolating, and sympathized with that. He couldn’t imagine that there was any other reason, though the back of his mind was hoping for some sort of ulterior motive.

“No, I suppose I didn’t.” Thad responded, contemplating the boy’s words. The boy had never had any girlfriends for the time that Thad knew him, but he could simply chalk that up to being shy, or not wanting to open up like that to someone. “But then again, it wasn’t quite my business, now was it? If you didn’t want to share, I would have understood.” He said calmly, though is heart was beating a bit faster than usual. Thad had always been open about his sexuality to those who actually took the time to ask about it. He by no means tried to hide the fact, unlike his desperate attempts to hide any sign of mental illness.

The younger boy brought up the topic of kissing, and a small smile slid onto Thad’s face. So he had never been kissed; neither had three fourths of his year. He looked disinterested, as though he didn’t care either way about Thad’s reaction, so Thad simply shrugged, lowering his eyes to simply meet his book. “None that mattered all that much.” He said ambiguously, not looking up to meet the younger boy’s eyes. It was true, he had been kissed before, but it hadn’t been anything meaningful or even worthwhile. A few muggle boys he had met over the summer holidays at cafes or libraries, and perhaps one or two here at Hogwarts. He was by no means ‘easy’—kisses were all they ever received.

[Hero Lysander]

Hero felt a little satisfied, knowing that Thad knew he wasn’t wasting his faith on Hero, only to have it for naught. He bit his lower lip, still smiling. Thad was possibly the best friend Hero could have ever asked for, for so many reasons. His willingness to put up with Hero’s stuff, his ability to teach him so many things that he wanted to know, the patience to wait for him to master the aforementioned things, everything about him. There was a reason to his crush on the older Hufflepuff, though he tried to push the whole idea to the side; he still was slightly afraid of getting hurt, and, since he never had been hurt…well, he didn’t want to be hurt.

That was another thing he loved about Thad -- he was blunt. He didn’t normally skirt around what he thought, he wasn’t one to use circumlocution to be “nice” -- he said whatever he wanted, whatever was on his mind. There was no censorship, no internal firemen, no Ministry of Truth, nothing. He smiled at Thad. ”You…don’t have to look like that,” he said quietly. ”I understand why you laughed. It’s fine.” He continued to nibble on his lip -- this was becoming a bad nervous tick, he realized as he ran his tongue over the raw skin that had formed where he kept nibbling.

Hero paused, letting Thad state his case, and smiled faintly. ”I don’t think there’s much else about me you don’t know yet,” Hero said. This, of course, was a bit of a lie -- he hadn’t told Thad about why he had to take the damn pills, even if Thad knew that he was clinically depressed. And that was pretty much the crux of who he was today, why he turned out the way he had. Maybe, had the whole incident not occurred, Hero would have ended up in Gryffindor. He probably wouldn’t have kept his nose in books so often, and he wouldn’t be so antisocial (to use the term loosely). But he might not have met Thad, and…where would he be without Thad?

He saw the smile that came on Thad’s face out of the corner of his eye (even though he had been sneaking a glance up at him). Hero cleared his throat, cheeks having flushed slightly. Why, exactly, was Thad smiling at his comment? He didn’t get to think about it for long, however, because Thad quickly answered his question. He frowned, looking up. Hero opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. What was he to say in response to that?

[Thad Fleetwood]

It was difficult to doubt Hero’s abilities—Thad figured that the younger boy could even surpass his own level of spell-work if Thad didn’t continue to work on it. Still, teaching Hero had given him a bit of a purpose over the past few years. While Hero didn’t have to quite worry about the future after Hogwarts, Thad’s future loomed ahead menacingly. He wondered how he even had time to worry about things other than schoolwork—especially with his hope of becoming an auror after his N.E.W.Ts. But he couldn’t help but care about people like Hero; he was sort of an inspiration for Thad to do something other than study in his final year at Hogwarts.

Thad wondered if perhaps he had been a bit too blunt to Hero, but he dismissed his apologetic look, so Thad relaxed a bit more. He was glad that Hero understood—it would be difficult to have him mad at him for something as simple as laughing at a statement he made. Still, the younger boy looked nervous or something of the sort, and it bothered Thad a bit still. He wanted to reach out, to grab the boy’s hand or something like that, but he restrained himself. His hand flexed in his lap, but remained there, his lips tightening a bit over his front teeth.

He met the boy’s eyes, allowing a small smile to appear on his lips. “I doubt you’re that simple of a being that I know everything about you.” He stated quietly, his statement good-natured but honest. He could never know everything about any sort of person. Perhaps he did know more about Hero than he knew about anyone else, and perhaps it worked both ways, but he would never know everything—it was impossible. He turned back to his book instead, scanning the pages in front of him.

He could see out of the corner of his eyes Thad flush, and open his mouth before closing it again. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that, especially in order to tease the boy. Perhaps he wasn’t as open with his sexuality as Thad was, but then again, why would he have so blatantly told Thad that he himself was gay? Had Thad betrayed his trust by making such a blatant statement? Not looking up at the boy and continuing to skim, he spoke, almost in a bemused way, “You can ask or say whatever you like, Hero. There’s no need to censor around me.”

[Hero Lysander]

Hero tilted his head slightly while looking at Thad, letting his mind wander. The seventh year had been helping him for a while, but…Hero never heard about his plans for the future. What he was going to do when he graduated. But…Hero didn’t want to talk about it, because to talk about it would be to acknowledge the time was coming soon, and…well, Hero was still in denial. He didn’t want Thad to leave Hogwarts, to leave him when it was clear no one could ever replace him. He scratched his head lightly, trying not to let his inner feelings be betrayed on his face. ”What…What are you going to do after Hogwarts?” Hero asked him quietly, despite his thoughts screaming not to ask.

He relaxed when Thad relaxed; Hero had obviously reacted the right way to make sure that Thad wouldn’t feel bad for laughing. Hero could probably never get angry at Thad; he would probably end up blaming himself, thinking that it was his fault and it wasn’t his place to be angry at anyone. When Thad appeared to have tensed again though, Hero gave a light frown. ”Are you all right?” he asked, seeming slightly worried. ”Is there something wrong?” Hero put down the quill lightly, rubbing at his eye gently.

Hero smiled back at him, but…his mind was wandering. ”There are just a couple of small things that you don’t know about,” he replied. ”And…yeah, a couple of small things.” He chuckled lightly, shaking his head. Hopefully, Thad wouldn’t press about any of these -- not only was he lying about the fact that he wasn’t hiding anything too big, he had a few things that, despite being relatively small, he wasn’t too ready to admit to Thad yet. Like his crush on the other. But…he was going to tell Thad soon. He was sure of it. As soon as he grew a pair.

Before he knew what he was doing, as soon as Thad said he could say anything, Hero spoke his mind. ”You never…kissed anyone that you liked?” he asked, frowning. ”Does that…I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here.” He paused for a moment, letting his thoughts fix themselves. ”Doesn’t it make you feel a little…lonely?” He looked away the moment he said it, wondering why he even bothered to; it would probably end up with Thad getting upset.

[Thad Fleetwood]

Thad looked up, surprised a bit by the question posed to him. He tried his best not to think about graduating in only school-year’s time. He instead tried his best to simply focus on the work that lay ahead of him—after all, if he did not focus on that, there was no way for him to succeed in the career choice he had made. Admittedly, it wasn’t something he really wanted to do—there was no career that Thad could think of that he honestly wanted to do. “I’ll be putting in my application for the Auror Department.” He said matter-of-factly. With the grades he had and the areas he excelled in here at Hogwarts, it seemed like the natural choice. It would be a challenging sort of job, something that would keep him busy at the very least.

Thaddeus was almost ashamed by how easily Hero could read him. He shook his head quickly, trying his best to relax his facial features, smiling instead of allowing his lips to tighten. “Just a headache. No need to worry.” It was his fall back excuse—annoyance, the Voice, anything that needed to be simply ignored, he could divert quickly. He didn’t want others inside his head—after all, it was a bit crowded in there already. It was better to simply put on his façade and put on a smile for those who he cared about. Like Hero; he deserved better than to have to deal with the fucked up confusion that was Thad Fleetwood’s mind.

Thad was not the type to press things. He respected privacy because that was something he particularly valued—he didn’t want other’s poking their noses into his life, so he was sure to keep his nose within his own personal bubble. Hero’s comment was cryptic, so he didn’t push it. There were things that Hero didn’t know about Thad, and Thad couldn’t simply pass them off as ‘small things’. He almost felt guilty about keeping these things hidden, but deep down, Thad realized he was a selfish individual. To tell Hero these things about him would simply deprive him of one of the new things that made him happy—he would not ruin that.

He was surprised by how quickly the younger boy had accepted his request to speak his mind. Again, the conversation had turned to snogging. Thad gave a small shrug, pausing to flip a page of his book before looking up at the boy again. “Liking is such an ambiguous term, Hero.” He stated, looking a bit quizzical. He hadn’t thought much about those kisses. Thinking back, the only one he could remember being worth anything was a particularly irritating yet thought-provoking Gryffindor. “And I wouldn’t consider it lonely, using your choice of words. I suppose it comes down to needs.” He said, unsure of how to properly explain it, but moving forward with the idea anyway. “At the time, some people seem to have what you need, but in reality they don’t.” He paused, meeting the other’s eyes. “It’s simply a matter of finding someone who fulfills enough of your needs in the end. And that’s something that is…difficult to find.”

[Hero Lysander]

Wait, Thad said he was planning on putting his application in for the Auror Department? Hero hesitated. He had always planned on being a hit-wizard, which was like an auror, but, instead of going after merely dark wizards, went after all sorts of magical criminals. He also heard that aurors and hit-wizards worked side-by-side for certain cases; one such case was the one of his father’s. He shivered at the memory of when they came to “rescue him”. But he didn’t blame them for that. No, that was all his father’s fault. He never should have killed those people in the first place, and then he never should have committed those crimes, never should have tried escaping from prison, never should have kidnapped him, none of that. He wanted to make sure that happened to no one ever again; that what happened to him would be a one-time thing. Not only that, but being a hit-wizard had lower requirements than an auror (he didn’t have too much faith on his abilities with such a high standard placed on him), and wasn’t limited to just dark wizards. Hero smiled, though, at Thad. ”I think you’d make an amazing auror,” Hero replied finally.

Hero bit his lip lightly as Thad again complained of the headache. ”If your headache’s that bad, maybe you should go lay down or something,” he said. ”It’s the second time you’ve mentioned it. Maybe you should take a break from talking to me, who obviously isn’t helping said headache.” He couldn’t help but worry about Thad, though; this was his closest friend at Hogwarts. There weren’t many people he cared about on a day-to-day basis, so of course Thad would receive most of the care -- and with it, the worry. Which was probably for the worst; Hero could only imagine how annoyed Thad would be after talking with him for too long. Maybe he was causing Thad’s headache with his incessant talking.

He relaxed as Thad didn’t press into what he had said. Hero was in the clear, able to hold off on certain information until he was ready to talk about it. Which, as he thought about it, would have to be soon; the whole thing about his crush would have to be done before the end of the year, and his phobia of dementors -- he shivered at the mere thought of them -- would have to be told before they started practice on the Patronus, or else Thad would find out about in a…less than favorable way. Meaning that he would find out about it when Hero was crying his eyes out, trying to get his mind off of the foul beasts.

Hero didn’t normally jump at an opportunity to speak his mind like that; in fact, it normally consisted of a few “Are you sure”s and “No, it’s nothing”s. But he really wanted the answer, and he figured that, if Thad said that it was okay, then he was free to speak his mind; it’s not like it was done grudgingly. He gave a faint blush of embarrassment as Thad mentioned that “liking was an ambiguous term”, murmuring a light sorry. He would have continued along the lines of “If I thought on it a bit more, I would have come up with a better term, I apologize again”, but Thad spoke up once more, silencing Hero easily. Though, his friend’s comment made him think. ”So that’s a crush, right?” Hero asked. ”Believing someone has what you need? If they do, it blossoms into something stronger; if not, it dies on the spot?” He nibbled on the inside of his lip, thinking it over.

[Thad Fleetwood]

Thad noticed the pause in the conversation after his announcement as to what he planned to do after his Hogwarts years came to an end. He glanced up from his book, giving a quick glance over the Ravenclaw’s face. He wasn’t particularly good at reading people—a twitch of the lip, or an arching eyebrow weren’t as obvious as words on a page, obviously. A small shiver passing over the other’s body though gave him an odd feeling inside—as though he had seen something he shouldn’t have. He wouldn’t press it; he would never press those things in fear that in return he himself would be pressed in such a way. After a few moments, Hero responded, and Thad lowered his eyes, considering the boy’s praise. “It seemed the…logical choice.” He said carefully. Picking a career wasn’t something that was by any means easy for someone like Thad.

He raised a hand to his forehead, brushing a bit of hair out of his eye, considering his response. He worried that Hero was concerned that he was causing Thad’s headache. It was an admirable quality in Thad’s eyes; that consideration for others that Thad had never seemed to entirely grasp. Others dealt with their own issues, just as he had always dealt with his—there was no need to interfere in such things in Thad’s opinion. “I’m used to this sort of thing.” He explained. “Chronic migraines or something like that according to the doctors. Nothing I can really do about it and it’s certainly none of your doing. It’ll go away in time.” Of course, he had never gone to see any doctors about his headache. His parents had spent most of their time and money treating his younger sister—his conscious couldn’t even consider asking them for help for his own issues.

At his statement, he heard Hero mutter some sort of an apology, which he chose to ignore. To acknowledgement would have only embarrassed Hero further, something Thad did not want to go into again, especially after Thad had laughed at him only a few minutes before. “I suppose ‘crush’ is the general consensus when it comes to the terminology, though I don’t prefer the term myself.” He began, looking thoughtful for a moment. He had never felt particularly ‘crushed’ in the instances where he had kissed a few individuals. Sexual desire perhaps on some occasions, a strange annoyance in one particular case. His mind flickered to the image of a particular Gryffindor boy of his own year, and his lips twitched between something of a grin and a grimace.

“But I suppose you’ve come up with a relatively accurate description.” Thad stated, leaning back a bit to tilt his chair on its hind legs. “Though, of course, you have to consider the motives as to what you need. There are some that are only looking for physical needs, and others are looking for just the opposite.” He looked thoughtful, considering for a moment the various relationships he had observed throughout the school. They were still children after all; hormone driven teenagers who didn’t know the difference between sexual tension and true love. It was quite sad really, hence why Thad did his best not to get involved in such trivial things. “It’s an interesting study, to say the least.”

[Hero Lysander]

It took a bit for Hero to realize that Thad had noticed the pause that he had so arbitrarily taken, but, by the time he had noticed, he was slightly embarrassed. He cleared his throat, trying not to show his embarrassment, and nodded in agreement with Thad. He did see the way he lowered his eyes, though, which caused him to frown slightly and rethink what Thad had said. ”It’s the logical choice, sure,” Hero said, ”but is that what you really want to do?” He tilted his head slightly; all Thad had said was that he was going to put in his application, and that it was the “logical choice”. ”I’m sorry if I’m crossing some sort of line with all of my questions,” he added quickly. ”If there’s any question you really don’t want to answer, you…don’t have to. And you can me off at anytime you want.” He smiled lightly towards the other.

Hero nodded as Thad explained his headache, relaxing. As long as he wasn’t causing the headaches, and there was nothing he could do to help him…he shook his head slightly. He felt bad about Thad’s headache, but…if he said that he was used to the migraines, then he believed him. That was normally the way things were with him; whatever Thad said, Hero believed him. Mainly because, even if Thad was lying, Hero didn’t really want to know if he was, let alone believe it; it made him seem gullible, yes, and even he noticed this flaw. But he couldn’t help it. ”So long as it doesn’t hurt too much,” he said. ”You sure there’s nothing you can do? Not even…magic up something that could help you out? I’m sure there’s some sort of potion that could help you out in a situation like this. Like some sort of painkiller, but for something like this.” He shrugged lightly. ”Just an idea, though. Sorry if it sounds too stupid.”

He looked up at Thad once more, blinking lightly. ”Why don’t you prefer the term?” Hero asked. ”I mean, I understand that there could be something that could fit it more aptly, and, for the life of me, I can’t tell you why it’s called a crush. But…are those the reasons you have against the term, or are they more than that?” He tilted his head lightly, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. Hopefully, Thad would appreciate the questions, or even that they made sense; he’d hate to embarrass himself in front of Thad again. That would just…end badly, most likely.

Hero paused, letting him talk and thinking over what he had said. He nodded a the final comment, hesitating for a moment to think over what he was going to say before he had it, to make sure it didn’t sound too stupid. ”So there’s people who satiate the needs of people who are looking for their physical needs, and people who satiate the needs of people who are looking for…the opposite, yeah?” he repeated. ”Is there any place for soulmates in this concept, or is that just a non-existent, though wonderful, idea?

[Thad Fleetwood]

“You’re not crossing any lines, Hero.” Thad said calmly, though slightly irritated by the boy’s need to constantly check if what he said was okay. They were friends, or what Thad considered to be friends at least, and could at least ask each other simple questions like this. “We’re having a frank conversation. If there’s some sort of boundary that you do cross, though I highly doubt you will, I will let you know.” He stated, biting the inside of his cheek a bit after he finished. He didn’t want to be hard on the boy, but constant checking to see if it was okay was simply putting a damper on the conversation.

He paused for a moment at the boy’s question, now that he could finally answer it. “I’m… unsure as to what I really want to do. I suppose I just want interesting work that will keep me busy and challenge me. Therefore becoming an auror is the logical choice.” He explained swiftly, know that he wasn’t simply answering the younger boy’s question, but his own doubts as well. He could hear the voice chuckling, as though reading Thad’s doubts on the open pages of his mind. It was as though it was standing just beside him, a faint laugh just next to Thad’s ear. He imagined he could feel the entity’s breath on his ear, tickling it. Slowly he raised his hand and scratched it, making it seem like an off-hand gesture rather than an assurance of his own sanity.

It was almost a relief that Hero took most of what Thad said lying down. An argument about headaches—something that another person would have perhaps started—would have simply caused Thad to shut down entirely. Besides, Hero deserved better than that, even if Thad was bending the truth in a few ways. “It’s more of a mental thing.” He explained with a small shrug. “Just my own head getting to me. I don’t think any charms or potions would help.” Truth be told he had never really tried anything to get rid of the headaches, much less the cause of the headaches. It was a part of him, and to be honest with himself, he was afraid that if he asked a doctor or healer, they would simply tell him there’s nothing they could do, just like they had said with his sister.

“It simply doesn’t apply to anything I’ve ever felt in that sense.” Thad said pointedly. “As you so aptly mentioned, there is no understandable reason as to why it’s called a crush. A longing is more appropriate, in my opinion. Though I doubt I could ever make it catch on.” He said, smiling a bit. There was no particularly reason he didn’t like the term crush—not a personal one at least—but the term had such a negative connotation. It gave the mental image of a bug being trampled, or a boulder being dropped upon a person. Neither was an appealing image, and especially not something one would want to think about while snogging another individual.

He listened to Hero’s interpretation of what he had just said, looking thoughtful. Once he finished, he nodded, adding a quick “Precisely,” before Hero continued to bring up the idea of soul-mates. “A soul-mate would simply be someone who satiates both the physical needs and emotional needs of someone entirely.” Thad said, looking upward for a moment as he thought. “It’s quite possible… in theory at the very least. I would imagine it’s quite difficult to fulfill ever single need a person has. It’s improbable but not impossible.” He said, closing his eyes as though calculating something before opening them again. “But then again, this is all just my theory.”

[Hero Lysander]

Hero relaxed slightly, even though he thought that the other’s irritation by his constant need to ask if it as okay to ask something was obvious from what he had said. Thad was telling him that they were having a frank conversation, that he would be told if he did cross a boundary -- which was good for Hero, because he didn’t have to think over what he wanted to say and be overly paranoid about it. He would still fear that he would say the wrong thing, sure, but that was just paranoia that was brought out more by the medicine he was taking. He nodded, though, in response. ”You are right,” he replied. ”I am sorry.” He scratched his head lightly, biting his lip.

“That does make sense,” Hero replied to why Thad had said that it was logical for him. ”Personally, I want to go into a similar profession; hit-wizard.” He chuckled lightly. ”I like the idea that it’s not just limited to dark wizards, and…well, I doubt I can actually become an auror.” He scratched his head. ”I’ve heard of the requirement you need just to get into the training service, let alone to be an auror. I doubt I’m that skilled in the required number of classes.” Not to mention, if I screw up as an auror, it’ll be much more substantial than if I screw up as a hit-wizard, he added to himself.

Hero let himself think about what Thad had said. ”I see,” he replied. ”Well, I’m sorry.” He frowned lightly, finally pulling out a small bookmark from his bag and putting it in the page of the book that he was on and wanted to go back to, and closing the book. He wasn’t going to be able to focus on his book any more, no matter how hard he tried. He’d just borrow it from the library and read it more in depth later, when he didn’t have Thad in front of him, distracting him -- in a good way, though. He would have gladly passed up a book if it meant more time with his friend.

”I think a longing would make more sense than a crush,” Hero replied. ”Although…from the way that I’ve heard it, people normally use it to talk about feelings they’ve had for others when they were younger; I’ve never heard someone say that they currently have a crush on someone else.” He paused for a moment, trying to let the thought process move along. ”And, from how I’ve heard it, people use it to reference relationships that either never happened or didn’t end well. They ended up crushed. So could it be talking about that, or am I just completely off the mark?

Thad’s answer made Hero pause for a moment. ”But…and I know this is rather fairy-tale-esque, but what about the idea that two people are destined, upon birth, to be together?” he asked. He scratched his head sheepishly. ”It’s a great idea to have, that you might never be alone so long as you find this one person, but…could it be true in this world that you appear to have explained so well?”